Illegitimi Non Carborundum!

Anything enclosed in brackets has been added to protect the innocent.

-----Original Message-----
From: (Dr. Cok) [mailto:(dr.cok@email.com)]
Sent: Friday, 24 February 2006 3:41 PM
To: padi-adm@padi.com.au
Subject: Replacement card

Hi,

I recently lost my wallet (because I was really, really drunk), containing my PADI card. I rang up to organize a replacement card, and was told the "processing fee" was $55. This is outrageous. To have my driver's licence replaced cost $17. I'm a student (a slight liberty with facts, as I haven't graduated just yet, but it's worth a shot) and can't afford to spend that sort of money on a tiny piece of plastic (because I also lost a lot of money in my wallet when I was really, really drunk). I'm willing to pay up to $20 for a replacement card, that should more than cover the associated costs.

Regards,

(Dr. Cok)


And the reply?

To (Dr. Cok)

Thanks for your email

Yes I just spoke with you regarding this

The fee is so much as this is what our department runs on to help service customers like yourself. This covers all processing, admin and postage

However as you have only just completed your course in 2004 I will issue
a card for you for $20 + GST = $22 (AUD)

Please forward on your payment details and we can use a photo on file to
process your card

You can contact us via phone or email

Thankyou

_________________________________________

(A helpful person)
Senior Research Administrator, Certifications
_________________________________________
P A D I A s i a P a c i f i c

The Way the World Learns to Dive(r)

Unit 3, 4 Skyline Place
Frenchs Forest NSW 2086
Australia
Direct: +61 2 9454 2862
Main: +61 2 9454 2888
Fax: +61 2 9454 2878

Visit PADI: padi.com


THIS DAY A VICTORY HAS BEEN WON AGAINST OUR OPPRESSORS

We danced warm cheek to cold cheek.

Update:Thesis reviews here. Some choice excerpts:

• "This thesis presents a number of important new results relevant to the analysis and design of communication systems. Along the way fundamental techniques for dealing with random matrices are developed, techniques which are significant in their own right, and which should prove useful in many other application areas."
  
• "The results from this thesis have been published in the best journal of the field of information and communications theory and in numerous conferences. Overall, the thesis represents an outstanding achievement, well above what would be expected of PhD ..."
  
• "This thesis is a truly outstanding piece of work and I have no hesitation in recommending the degree of PhD be awarded. If there is a prize for the PhD thesis at the University of Sydney then I believe this thesis would be a very strong candidate."
  
• "I have been impressed by this simple, but not straightforward at all, approach. (Dr. Cok) has demonstrated in this chapter that he is a creative researcher."
  
• "This thesis is an exciting piece of work. It contains many new results that have important engineering implications, as well as new mathematical methods to study the limit eigenvalue distribution of certain random matrix ensembles. The manuscript has been prepared with great care, and is easy to read. Almost all the technical proofs are sound and rigorous, a remarkable fact for an engineering oriented work. This is one of the best theses I have had to review."
  

Toffee caught her nail in a fence when I chucked a pine cone for her, and she had to go to the vet and get it clipped off and bandaged up. Aww! Injured animals are so cute it almost makes it ok to belt them up.

The lowdown: I've been fencing for the last two weeks or so and I was too buggered to update. Now I'm in Sydney, trying frantically to get this book chapter done.

Last Sunday however, I went to the Gay Fair Day in Victoria park in Sydney. I had a smashing afternoon sitting in the sun drinking with Pete, Phil, and others. After half of bottle of JB and a longneck each, we went for booze reinforcements and bought a bottle of wild turkey, plus a bottle of absinthe. We walked to a makeshift gay club in the park, sat down, then Pete and I drank the whole bottle of absinthe very quickly. After this, I have simply no memories. Pete claims that we then drank the Turkey, but I have no memory of opening the bottle, and therefore have been ripped off. Now, I have a lot of cuts and bruises on my head, including a big whack on my temple, and significant memory loss. Therefore, I can only assume that I fell over and knocked myself out. Pete says Paramedics were trying to take me away, but he was pretty sure that I was fine. Apparently my comatose body was somehow lifted into Phil's car by several people. The next memory I have is waking up in Pete's garden, with:

• concussion (presumably),
  
• missing shirt,
  
• missing wallet,
  
• missing thongs,
  
• cracked screen on my phone,
  
• all the signs of having been hosed off recently,
  
• a strange series of measles-like dots on my left forearm,
  
• missing all the stuff out of the front pocket of my bag, which included a nasal hair trimmer, a bunch of awesome condoms I found on the ground at the BDO, and all the receipts from the reef trip, and my Perth conference. Uh-oh. Luckily I had removed my passport from that compartment earlier that day. Cripes.
  

My phone was ringing as I lay on the cement, and I answered it. This is an accurate transcript of the conversation:

• W: Where are you?
  
• M: I'm in a paddock.
  
• W: What? Whereabouts? Are you ok?
  
• M: I'm fine, I'm in a paddock.
  
• W: Which paddock? Who are you with?
  
• M: I'm in a paddock with my Uncle Andrew, down the road from Pete's house. Don't worry, we're fine.
  
• W: (hysterical sounds, during which I get up and walk into the house and start calling everyone bastards, and asking where my bottle of Turkey has gone)
  

This is called drinking too much. I do not condone this behaviour.

So yeh. Less of that and more nerding it up. Peace out.

I heard from someone you're still pretty

Note the way the scorched leaves on the trees and the bracken are all leaning one way, which is the direction in which the wind was blowing which brought the bushfire. All the leaves on the trees are frozen like this, it's grouse.


To the left is the former site of the house two down from us which burnt to the ground. It was made of stone, ours was made of wood.


Mt William all burnt up. In order to see the damage better, I cunningly used my sunnies to create a MacGyver-like makeshift Polaroid filter for the camera, hence the odd color.


Toffee chasing a half-burnt tennis ball, which she was delighted to recover.



The tank on top of the hill burnt up and blew away. In the background the springs are visible.


A big redgum which burnt from the inside out and fell over, much to Dad's amusement.


Life sallys forth, spearheaded by bloody bracken.


Banging in new (inflammable) concrete posts, since all the old fences burned up. Features the tractor I've been cruising around in, which belongs to my uncles. Our tractor got torched.


A panorama of the damage.

Fun bushfire facts:

• There's a big redgum on our property which has burnt from the inside out, and still has red coals in the base. Two weeks after the fire. Crikey, jimbob. We noticed this while fencing, and Dad mentioned that he smelt smoke, and felt rather warm. Elementary deduction took us from there.
  
• The fenceposts burnt all the way underground, right to the bottom of the post. There are just fencepost sized holes with a touch of ash in the bottom. Coo-ee!
  
• I have so far seen dead roos, emus, stumpytail lizards, and sheep. However, I've also seen live counterparts of these animals, as well as an echidna which was wandering across a very bare paddock, rather conspicuously.
  
• To save money on fencing, the old man got the dept. of forests and lands out and had the springs classified as significant wetlands. This means they are going to pay for fencing and revegetation.
  
• Other stuff I'll add when I think of it.
  

Reef stories to come.

Hello, La-dy Musgrave.Hello Boys.

Cease pecking at my eyes, you vultures, and enjoy some happysnaps. Have them framed and spice up your mantelpiece. I shall relay the sordid tale of our salty adventures in the near future.


A magical morning, preceded by a hellish night.


Some natives I befriended some time ago, hailing from the proud Wadjafella tribe.


Surrounded by flawless natural beauty, Steve is overwhelmed, however has the presence of mind to hide his swollen nipples.


The schoolgirl uniform.


Some squid that the Coon and I shot.


This is a dirty big Coral Trout, shot by Stumpy.


Bugalugs and a fish.


Texas Hold'Em Poker with Anal Sex playing cards and minature fake Australian currency. Brilliant. This is only a guess, but I'd say that in this shot:

• Ian is playing logically, (and losing)
  
• I am trying to appear to play illogically, (and losing)
  
• Steve is playing highly illogically and calmly quite naturally, (while winning and losing big)
  
• Chris is playing highly illogically with sharp outbursts of profanity, (while winning and losing big)
  
• Stumpy is robbing us blind with his uncanny luck and canny noggin,
  
• Dom is completely silent, musing on improvements for his Lurch impersonation.
  

I have to get up and help with the fencing tomorrow, because the bushfires came back while I was away, and burnt out most of the farm while miraculously sparing the house and other incongruous things like the woodheap and the haystack, despite the fire clearly having travelled within a few foot of these things. Five houses on our road burned down, including one bordering our property and another down the road within pissing distance (given favourable wind conditions).

xo.