So long, B-roq.

"Why, thankyou!", he'd reply.

Other stuff seems a little irrelevant in light of B-roq's departure, so I will revert into true Engineer mode and give a set of dot points!

I hit Chris with the squash ball rather hard accidently. All I could do was laugh and say sorry at the same time, a hallmark of sincerity and compassion. I slept with one eye open.

I went and saw an old friend's band, called 'Rock Sausage' at a pub. Their advertising poster had the statue of David with an enormous schlong dangling around its knees. They were awesome. When he finished he started buying us loads of piss. Choco tried to get me to play Xbox when we got home, but I couldn't focus on the screen and fell off the couch. When I awoke I swore on the balls of Odin that I would never drink again. Got drunk again that night, apologized to Odin in the morning.

The expletive fan on the expletive graphics card was sounding like a expletive chainsaw when I got home. It's out of warranty, so I've spent a lot of this evening pulling it off, then extracting a completely inappropriately sized fan from a broken power supply and jury rigging it onto the graphics card with an expletive hot glue gun and soldering iron. This is not funny or interesting. If I had to waste time on that crap, you should waste time reading it, offseting the potential advantage you may have had in our race to take over the world.

I gotta keep one step ahead of the Bumrush fairy.

I have 110,000 frequent flyer points burning a hole in my pocket. Enough for a return trip to the Yew-kay. Not only that, but I have a spare page in my passport and I speak fluent English. Coincidence? Not bloody likely. Fate? Fate is for suckers. DESTINY? You bet your sweet, sweet nuts (or nut equivalent).

Crack open another chook.

See the cloud front rolling over the Grampians? When that rolled over last night, Dad was outside, skipping around in circles, drinking chooks blood, and chanting as part of some sort of ad-hoc rain dance.

Dad came home yesterday and passed me a phone number of a guy he knows somehow who is a mad keen climber. Which is not really a good description of the guy, as all climbers appear to be both mad and keen, right? So the grand plan all starts coming together. I now have a book, equipment, and a partner. Look out.. lock up your rocks, rock owners!

Katie has given me dates for her visit! I'm going to plan out an action-filled farm holiday to amuse and delight her with. Our unsophisticated yet genuine country ways will warm the cockles of her heart, reinvigorating her faith in human kindness, good square meals, and gravel roads.

This weekend I'll head to the big smoke. Choco is taking me to see a band! I hope he buys me dinner as well. I imagine we'll partake in our eternal struggle for domination of small enclosed areas, by way of a game of squash. Lately Chris has been developing a secret weapon which has been destroying both my serve and nerve. He gives a shriek like peregrine falcon and charges into the serve on the full, extending himself up and out, bringing the racquet over his head and drives the ball down and straight. The flurry of motion and whirring of gangly limbs ceases and the point is over, and I'm usually frozen solid in a primeval 'fight or flight' state.


It may surprise many of you to know that this is the same dog as shown previously. That's a confronting fact, I appreciate that. But sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. At least that's what the guy on the telly commentating the soccer said this evening. I've no idea what it was in reference to, but I'm curious.

I put a site hit-counter on here the other day. I just want to come straight out and explain that this is to stroke my fragile ego. Cue hollow laughter.

I effing hate that old Gorillaz album with that 'Clint Eastwood' track on it. However, I downloaded the new album, I'm not really sure why, but it 'KING ROOLZ. As does the new Daft Punk album. I feel so, so, ..., mainstream. I just know that if these albums were by a band called 'the sinking midgets', I'd like them so much more. This is an indictment on you as much as me, dear internet reader or software robot. Also, somehow I managed to miss Deltron 3030 in 2000 (with Dan the Automater and Del the funky homosapien), and that is heaps grouse too, but you probably already knew that, huh?

B-roq Liftoff Countdown: T minus 1 day.

Behold the fruit of my loins.

This little sucker has taken me two weeks, and if all goes well, should contain all the mathematical leverage I need to lever myself out of the sticky situation I've been embroiled in.

And I am spent.

Screamixadelica.

If you have an internet, and like music, you should download this excellent free and presumably legal album entitled, screamixadelica.

http://www.primalscreamremixed.com/

As the URL suggests, the album contains remixes of Primal Scream stuff, music mostly. I give it three stars out of a possible infinite number of stars.

My favourite tranvestites

Antony and the Johnsons have a new album: 'I am a bird now'. I'm listening to it a lot now, and need to share this fact.



Antony is my favourite transvestite, ever. Candy Darling is on the front cover, making her my second favourite tranny. My third favourite tranny is no less than....

ta-ta, darlings!

Possible mantelpiece adornments.

I've uploaded the photos. If I get that feeling anytime soon, I'll add some captions.

Click the incredibly tiny link with the text 'Create an Account Later' in order to view the photos without having to create an account, which requires biometrics. Take off your tinfoil hats and relax...

Today it RAINED. The vibe I'm getting from Dad, it feels some kind of Christmas.

As ever, peace in the middle east, my negroids.

Welcome back to the Internet!

The Pharmacist with the Golden Tonsils (Sounds like the title of a kids book). I've also got a classic bit of video at the end of Stairway to Heaven, where Pharmacy Matt raises a rock'n'roll fist and shouts enthusiastically, "Thankyou Syd-neyyyy! Goodnight!". Thankyou Sydney, indeed. Awesome party. I've been trying to avoid hyperbole this week since reading a stern article on the topic, but I feel that this 'awesome' is justified. I've earnt it. It was awesome, though! It inspired me with reverence and awe. This might have been caused by the three Sweety-Pies I had in rapid sucession, but, ay!

After a thoroughly entertaining (and draining) week in Sydney, it's hard getting back into the swing of things. I actually got really bloody sick with the flu when I got home, and spent Thursday and Friday in bed. And I become a grumpy so-and-so when I get sick. The pezzas were all like "So! How was it, and stuff?", and I could barely even manage a scowl.

I've realized those two days I spent in at Uni with Iain did absolutely sweet-eff-ay to help me get over the current dilemma with my thesis. It didn't help being sick and having feverish dreams on the topic, either. I felt right uncomfortable looking at it again, after the problem serving as a metaphor in my violent mental disassembly.

Barry buggers off soon. Fuck. Gay, gay, gay. But good. That's all I can summon on the topic. There'll be no more bleary-eyed, bourbon-fuelled sojourns to The Royal and Norton's on BLOODY Norton for a while. I've contacted Pete Costello and told him to factor in a large a drop in revenue from alcohol and cigarette taxes. He was a bit pissed, but is organizing us gold number plates for our efforts.

Some more happysnaps from the par-tay! These photos give an excellent summary of the night of Fi and Pete, in particular.

(In your best inside-your-head Arnie voice) "You are the DJ? Ja, I was thinking that you were going to be gay. (uncomfortable silence). His other friends are." Pete hides behind his standard spirit and agrees solemnly.


Wooooooooooo!


Woooooooooooo! Again!


An inner peace normally only found by the village fool.


Hel-lo hot stuffs!

Also, there are photos of the people who the party was actually for! Coming soon to an internet near you.

Hugs and kisses, Mat. Hang on..., KANYE got somethin' 2 SAY!

(from Kanye West - 'School Spirit')
I feel a woo coming on, cuz. I feel a woo coming on, cuz
WOO!
There it was.
I feel some woos coming on, cuz. A couple woos coming on, cuz
WOO! WOO!
There they was.

My Big Gay Weekend

Whoa, i don't know what happened saturday nite, but i know i had a
blast!!! Woo-EE!!

Leah

Leah
Originally uploaded by dockta-cok.

This is Barry's family dog.

Look what I found totally by accident!

Mystikal f/ Byou2ful - Big Truck Driver
[Mystikal]
Whaaa, wassup nigga?
This for my niggas in them Big Trucks
This for all my niggas in them SUV's, you heard me?
This for my Big Truck Drivers, look nigga blow yo' Big Truck Horn
You still could see me in my Big Truck boy
Smilin' like a lil' kid when I sped the corner with my brand new toy
I got a bark in they call, talkin' 'bout
they wishin' I'd would've came out the garage
But, I guess that's too bad
Cause your truck used to be the shit until they saw mine pass
Strobe lights flash, solar baric *boom boom*
Big feet ten runnin' while they *vroom vroom*
Another SUV can't do nothin' wit' me
I'm 23's so 22's ain't fuckin' with me
Car so big it make it hard to turn the wheel
I can't watch the T.V.'s from the sturrin-wheel
Shit, plush stronger than the buckskin ceiling
Chocolate tan interior really big truck grill
Yeah, that's how you do that there
Got bling and bass, everything clean but the ash-tray

[Hook: Byou2ful] (Mystikal)
I'm lookin' at you behind the wheel
singin' this song (I'm a Big Truck Driver)
In the big ol' truck, with the big ol' grill
rollin' on big ol' chrome (I'm a Big Truck Driver)
And you know when you pass those small trucks you doin' them wrong
(This is for my riders Big Truck Drivers
Even on a bad day everything clean but the ash-tray)

[Mystika]
Dark lights with brights, the dark windows
with the pistols in the hot spots fuckin' well right
So when you bitches try to act hype
I get the gat get the gat cause niggas don't fight
When you get to Ruby Tuesday's then make a right at the light
And you might catch my rims will-millin' 'round night light
I played a Jag' 'round rags, and now Excursion and Escalade 'round upscale
The Range Rove's don't even get used
Til it's time for Rhythm City or either House of Blues
My niggas wit' me at your seat to pick my friends up
My brother 'rice in a mother-fucking Benz' truck
Fresh light don't need no buffin'
Just call a homie where I'm at, west coast custom
Put it on a trailer and ain't no rushin'
Cause when I get it back y'all 'round can't touch it

[Hook]

[Mystikal]
Ain't no slack in my mack, rollin' slow the windows down
they recognize me so you know how they act
Cuttin' up fallin' out tryin' to flirt and get nasty
Raisin' shirt showin' titties talkin' 'bout autohgraphs
I try my best to keep my fans happy
I sign my name I grab the nipple they pull off and start laughin'
Then it's back through the hood, tryin' to find somethin' good
And after that I'm on my way to Baton Rouge
I knew that I'm on course at all time
And I love grindin' like alcoholics love sweet creamy and wine
2002 and you dodgin' me now
Big Truck gonna come up ain't no holdin' us down
Grab eyes, turn heads, stop traffic
My black Big Truck half match my Big Truck jacket
Do shows and get paid when I travel stay busy it be gone
Now this a Big Truck Driver

[Hook 2x]

[Mystikal]
I'm a Big Truck Driver, I'm a Big Truck Driver
This is for my riders Big Truck Drivers
Even on a bad day everything clean but the ash-tray

Slip a wetty!

Prepare yourselves for my imminent arrival! It's tomorrow (Wed) actually, and the level of preparation required on the part of you, dear anonymous internet denizen, is minimal.

Fiona (subsequently referred to as 'Awesome Fi') has graciously offered to pick me and my three items of luggage up from the airport, with Wen riding shotgun. Unfortunately, Wen has developed a sudden case of tonsilitus. How rare!

Pharmacy Matt sent me an email today, and is on his way home back from Istanbul. With any luck, he will be at 'the greatest party in the world' occuring this Saturday.

Seeyas soon. xo.

I'll clamp you good.

We've had two little kids staying over the weekend, so I took them out to do a bit of yabbying in the dam. I schooled them in the dark arts of yoinking out a yabby by its 'antenna', and luring them using nothing more than a piece of string (no bait). I've now stocked up 3 of our dams, which previously did not have any yabbies. That gives me a feeling like I just put a whole lot of money in the bank... oh yeah.

Otherwise, I've had a productive weekend. I've moved out of the fluffing around stage working on this convergence thingy, and started banging out equations. This makes me feel better, because at the end of the day I say Lo! cast thine eyes over yon page! These formulae should keep our bellies full and our beds warm this night.

The two kids that were staying were lovely kids, but are jay-dub kids (Jehovah's Witnesses). So, they have all the crazy lingo going on that I haven't heard in a long time, such as constantly calling my parents 'Brother John' and 'Sister Gael'. Also, their complete lack of direction and understanding of their life ahead of them and the choices they have to make bugs me no end. All else is more or less ignored outside the cult. Especially since they are the youngest of a large family of 9 kids, all of whom are sharp as a bucket full of pihranas. Their older siblings have done absolutely fuck all with themselves, dropped out of the cult to varying degrees, and have had not had an opportunity like I had to get up and out of the cult and the small town mentality. It's not that they couldn't, I honestly beleive they have a better chance than most. They just aren't doing enough of either questioning or plotting. Gets me fired up, I tells ya. So when I had them down at the dam, I'm asking these kids the hard questions, giving them a good drilling. Bloody 13 year olds.



I'm a-bound for Bot-a-nee bayy on Wednesday, my plane arriving early in the arvo. I'm looking forward to it. Does anyone feel like picking up my gadoonk-a-doonk-doonk from the airport? Oh stop! One at a time, please! I'll be leaving the following Wednesday. There's also a remote chance that Choco might attend some b.s. conference in Sydney on Fri, in order to come to the 'greatest party in the world', which is either on Fri or Sat night, I'm not sure.

The following photos are from our ski trip to NZ a couple of years ago...

Man, oh, man. We snuck in a bottle of duty-free spirits into the main pub in Queenstown as we had bought about 6 or 7 litres of vodka and bourbon, and seemed hell bent on downing the lot as fast as possible, in order to ward off the cold and give us superhuman strength. I'd like to say the above glamourous ladies were involved in a tongue-twister competition, but that would be a lie.


This photo amuses me no end. When I was browsing the photos, this one sent me into a fit of giggles and snorts. B-roq looks like a depraved sexual predator, drunk out of his skull, making an awkward and creepy pass at some bird who has drunk her own weight in champagne and crystal meth. I'd love to press play on this photo, and watch the scene continue. "Cum 'ere luv... I'll showw yer a bffff... wwwwhothefukayu? wozzit? wozzit? bwaahhh... fugyaden..." with a backdrop of "hee hee hee! hee hee hee! ooh! hee hee heee!" from Wendy. I think 'stuck in the middle with you' would be playing in the background also.


Drinkin', smokin', and laffin'.

PS. Jay-Z sez:

Middle finger to the law, nigga grip'n my balls
All the ladies they love me, from the bleachers they screamin
All the ballers is bouncin they like the way I be leanin
All the rappers be hatin, off the track that I'm makin
But all the hustlers they love it just to see one of us make it
Came from the bottom the bottom, to the top of the pots
Nigga London, Japan and I'm straight off the block
Like a running back, get it man, I'm straight off the block
I can run it back nigga cause I'm straight with the Roc

Gayniggers from Outer Space!

This movie exists! Click the interweb hypermouse to surf there now.



This is the main drag of Willaura, where I went to Primary School.

Choco (being a card-carrying member an annoying, overly vocal, social minority, that being, of course, people who read this self-conscious drivel! burned!), demanded that he get a mention somewhere, I'm guessing just so that he can print out the page, take it home to his mum/guardian/parole officer and say "Look Darren! I'm on the internet!"



Ok, I forgot to mention that I went climbing with Choco and Steve on Friday evening, which was great, but so 'king busy! I think for the sake of five bucks, I'll just go when things are quiet, like when Choco and I went on Tuesday, after I dropped Wen back to the airport: we had the place to ourselves! We revelled in the heady buzz of infinite choice, and swung from rope to rope like tarzan and jane, or a pair of tarzans, or even a pair of janes! We abandoned our restrictive harnesses and crippling footwear, and climbed and climbed like mother nature intended. Chris also hurt his nuts pretty bad, and was rolling around on the floor, whimpering and nursing his wedding tackle. I found it hard to be terribly sympathetic, (insert acerbic dick envy joke here). But we've seriously got to get our own shoes/harness, as hiring them is only supporting C'thulhu.

I do appreciate the hospitality Choco and Steve have shown the last few weekends, it has been smashing. I've more or less wandered in each week with a fairly vaugue and unpredictable schedule, often giving little or no notice, and they've been most understanding, or at least tolerant and outwardly courteous. Big internet shout out to my main Melbourne homies... youse r00lz.

So Dad, Wen and I went spotlighting, which was delightfully rural. We were going from paddock to paddock, and there were quite a few gates to open, drive through, then close. Wen was quite helpful with her first gate, jumped down, opened it up nice and quick, we drove through, she closed the gate and begun doing up the chain all very efficiently. Standing on the wrong side of the gate. Dad thought that this was possibly the most amusing thing, ever! I laughed condescendingly also, with a grin that had "bloody city slickers" written all over it. However, it seems I met my match that evening. We encountered what must have been some kind of super-rabbit, perhaps the love-child of Captain America or suchlike. We caught him red-handed having a late-night grassy snack, and it wasn't his grass! I let off a full clip of justice in his general direction. The first one emptied his belly out onto the ground, to which he roared in definance and attempted to escape. It took a further 4 bullets to finally bring the raging vermin to his no-so-lucky knees. There wasn't a lot left to take home for the dog. If that makes you all feel all icky, and you eat meat regularly, you are a raging hypocrite and a fag! No, really, if it's any consolation, I do it because it must be done, but I don't enjoy it that much, mostly because it's often very, very cold.

I'm gonna dig through my photo archives and put up a few 'blast from the recent past' piccy's up. First installment is straight outta Compton, where by Compton I mean Newcastle. By coincidence, this was exactly a year ago...

Ugh! Double up... Ugh! Ugh!

Well yesterday was so spectacularly uneventful, and devoid of any useful contribution to either my thesis or my papers, I shall continue to regale you with moderately amusing anecdotes from last weekend. We stopped in at the wind farm just outside Ararat on the way home (on the property where Chia worked for a stretch actually), and marvelled at the size of the structures, and speculated pointlessly about their various properties. An old couple were at the viewing area also, the parachute-material tracksuit clad wifey snapping away like she was planning on using her photographs to build a scale replica in her sitting room, the old chap puffing away with an air of indifference. I remarked that the view was impressive, to which he took a thoughtful drag, exhaled even more thoughtfully, and barked out "yeh, but they're a lot bloody noisier than I would've thought". Wen and I then both dutifully looked off slightly to the left, craned our necks forward slightly, squinted, paused, and were able to faintly make out a very low frequency sound, somewhat soothing and rhythmic. In summary, cranky old people must die.

Back on the farm, we rode around on the 4-wheel motorbike, and I did some wild sudden turns in an effort to terrorize Wendy. We went yabbying with a bit of lamb fat on the end of a string, and were hauling in yabby after yabby. I didn't even get a chance to hypnotize a yabby. Our record was 4 yabby's on a single rope! I didn't really feel like ripping the poor blighters in half, mostly because I like their attitude (their standard pose is to look at you ferociously and wave their claws around aggressively, despite the 10000000:1 size difference), so we transferred them to our dam which doesn't have any in it.

We also took the 4WD out, and scoped out some climbing spots in the Grampians with the aid of the book I mentioned. It looks awesome, but lead climbing up initially would be a bit hairy.

xo.

Marcelle's wriggling unholy legion of DOOM

According to Marcelle:

"I have finally got spores of this bloody strain I have been working
on for so long and its turning out to be very interesting. Not sure thats it is worth the wait, but at least it will give me something interesting for my troubles! Ill attach a photo just cos Im so happy to get photos of it! As you can see the yellow Z ring is forming a fair (we are talking 1um, but thats far in my terms!) distance from the DNA (in blue). This may be because the DNA is moving, which would be really cool. So Ive got to do some time lapse movies of the DNA to find out....... so it looks like I will have to apply for an extension for my PhD. Not sure for how long, hopefully only a couple of weeks, and Ill still try to finish on time."

KT's two cents: eighteen wheels and one paedophile.

Happy Birthday FIONA!! Woooo!!!

I tried calling the house, your number, your ex-boyfriends number, all to no avail. I take that to mean you were deep inside the rocken-est club, doing fat lines of coke off strippers erections and generally wildin' out and gettin' violent! Nice work!



This is our other dog, Cerberus, who guards the gates to hell and enjoys a tasty rabbit snack.

Firstly, I haven't sat down to do any work since last Thursday, and hence haven't posted, as I went to Melbourne on Fri to pick up Wen and dropped her off yesterday. That's what kind of fun filled action adventure we had! No time for nerding it up.

After climbing with Steve and Choco on Friday, I headed back to Steve's place. He supplied me with a nourishing bowl of lentil soup, and we obtained the rest of our nourishment from a few bottles of wine. We hung out in Steve's dojo and rocked out...



I had to get up rather early, and Steve and his young lady friend (Mish, Mysh, Mich? Heyyyy... it just occured to me that her full name might be Michelle) had just done a few fat lines. So Steve kindly, or perhaps drunkenly, offered me their bed, insisting that they'd party on to the break of dawn. I woke to them huddled up on the couch, looking like a pile of stuff left beside a saint vinnies bin...

I picked up Wen, and we swanned around Fitzroy for a while, then met up with my brutha Abz, who was walking around gingerly like he'd fallen asleep in a bar on Oxford St the night before (that is, and subsequently been awoken to being aggressively sodomized by a gay Tongan rugby team). Apparently it was from Tai-Kwon-Do, but that's far less amusing or arousing to imagine.

Steve had mentioned there was a navvy little vego place in St. Kilda called 'Lentil as Anything', where there are no fixed prices and you simply pay what you feel the meal was worth. Intriguing! So Wen and I headed down there for dinner, and had a simply superb meal of Pea and Potato curry and a Beetroot curry. Unfortunately, Wendy read in the toilet that the place was actually running at a bit of a loss, since many people were just paying five bucks. So we threw in twenty bucks, and would have thrown in another five if we'd had the change. During the meal, I had a few light beers, and Wen threw down a bottle of wine, and then laughed/cryed/slept all the way home, in true pissed-chick tradition.

Guilt... crushing.. will... to... write..., must... lash self... with... green... stick...

Work time.